Catch Up

It’s been a while since our last blog entry, at least it seems that way to us. So much has happened in the last weeks, so much learned that we’ve hardly had time to rest and convey all that’s happened without sounding in despair. I usually refrain from prefacing what I say but I do want our intentions to be clear. This post will be long but broken up into shorter sections for people like me who cant sit and read a blog for more than 5 min. Some stories and lessons told here will sound rough. These are not a cry for help or money, we have only given our word to be honest and open with anyone who cares to peer into our life.

7/19/11 The Mourne Mountains – We got to Northern Ireland with Anna and her wonderful family who took us in and the next day headed to the Mourne Mtns. It was like a dream come true for me. The park had almost no trees and so with the help of her father’s topo map we went a couple miles up the trail and then made our own way. First up a waterfall called the Black Stairs toward Slieve Donnard, the tallest of the Mourn Mts, and rounded the left side of it chasing a small heard of sheep. We plunged into a thick cloud and soon became damp as if rained on. Visibility shortened to maybe 100ft made traversing the mt difficult and scrambling across the patches of loose boulders uneasy work. Intersecting the Mourne wall at the Bog of Donnard we made our way down. After first attempting to cross the bog we decided it was not possible and used the wall as our path. The Mourne wall, who know how old, was made of large stones about 2 – 3 ft wide, not all of which were firmly planted, and at pints reaching close to 20 ft above ground. We were forced to stare at our next step keeping a close eye on loose stones and at that height the wall path moved by you at a faster pace than the ground below on either side creating the illusion that the ground all around you was moving like the ocean. The disorientation made the possibility of falling greater, which was frightening not for fear of the impact but more for fear of being sucked into the bog. We eventually came to a place we could cross and found our way out of the cloud. The map showed a “Hares Castle” where we intended to stay the night, but as much as we searched found no castle. We later learned a “castle” sometimes refers to a cliff-type geological formation, of course. So finding a flat spot in a small gorge we camped on the unavoidable soggy ground. By this point drying and warming were greatly desired so a fire was easily started from dead grasses and brush pulled from the mossy ground, but the high wind cause the fire to become erratic and burnt a couple small holes in our tent. So we went without. The next day we found another part of the wall and followed alongside it seeing as the walls had the most trail-like path being somewhat dry. Summiting the top of Slieve Binneard to a spectacular view excited and strengthened our souls. Not using our best decision making skills, we made our own way straight down to the lake. The mountain side was surely made for only goats hooves and like everywhere the ground oozed with water at every step, falling was often. At the bottom we were pleased to find a paved path we intended to take to the end of the second lake where the map showed a “shelter stone”. But seeing the second lake started atop an intimidating damn and doubting Shelter Stone was any sort of shelter we just camped on the beach. Deciding to make the third day our last in soggy feet we just hiked out and hitched a ride close to town where Anna picked us up and took us home to some hearty Irish potatoes, showers and a bed.

7/23 Breaking Point – Busses go from Belfast to Dublin every hour so when our day caused us to miss the 5 o’clock we weren’t too worried. But the 6 o’clock ran a little behind, and taking a hurried taxi to the ferry port we found they stopped boarding long before departure and were told to come back tomorrow morning. This meant paying for another taxi back to the hostel where we stayed a few nights ago. We got there to find it totally full and had to carry our burdensome bags to the other side of Dublin. I resisted speaking as one by one all the wheels on our remaining suitcase broke off. We paid for a couple beds and were informed no busses ran early enough so we called for another taxi in the morning, dragged our stuff up 2 flights of stairs and collapsed. Total exhaustion had finally set in: physically after 3 days in mountains, moving 80 lbs on and off busses and cars, up and down stairs, and across a city I was done; emotionally the stress of constant moving, deteriorating finances, and flight bookings going wrong put communication between Mel and I in a rough spot; and spiritually God’s voice was scarcely heard, His peace hard to come by, and favor not seen as one by one our contacts in places we were headed in a couple days fell through. Sitting on the floor against our bunk bed my wonderful wife pushed me to spend some time with God (knowing I should but not wanting to) so I prayed this from my journal –

What can I trust, God, when everything is like water to me, nothing firm nothing secure. Do I trust in what I see? Cause where you’re sending me is your two sided coin of life and death. I know you say you always lead to life, but sometimes its disguised in death so you can see if we’re willing to give it up to get it. So my eyes have become tricksters in truest form. I should trust in what I hear, but what do I have when your voice is absent from my ear? I surely can’t trust my feelings cause they got me here in the first place. But what do I do when what is meant to express who I am is now determining who I am. How I’d want to be rid of them! Can I trust my favor when I don’t perceive its path in front of me nor the trail it leaves behind? What about your promises, the prophetic voices from my past? If forgetfulness didn’t plague me so, then I might have something more to hold on to but even what gets past that demon comes beaten by the confusion of interpretation. Oh, but I can definitely trust in where your sending me right? But what if I can’t feel your leading to that place? Again back to my feeling! I know you are good to me and that you’re more real than the ground I’m standing on, but only if what I knew was as real as my feelings were tangible, then feelings would be put back in its place uniting with what is real, confirming and showing the reality within me. But I’ve stared so close at this pebble now it looks like a mountain! So I can only trust you, my Daddy, to take me back so I can see the size of the matter. And the fact of the matter is that I am Your son. So the reality is that sons aren’t to be concerned with pebbles anyway.

7/26 6pm, London, England- We have to leave tomorrow. A whisper tells us to go to Paris and so the decision is made to get on a night bus to Paris tomorrow in hopes to connect with a cousin I have never met.

7/28 Paris, France- Spencer and I sit at a McDonalds table splurging on a burger and fries. It is so good to eat something besides a pb & j, besides this is the one spot in Paris that offers free wifi. We finish our meal and begin to search for a way out of Paris. After over an hour of no luck a man comes and yells at us in French to leave. That goes down in the greatest feats in my life, getting kicked out of a McDonalds. We pack up and leave without finding a way to leave Paris. Defeat.

Back at our overpriced cheap hotel we sit squished on the floor of a 3’ x 3’ shower and let the hot water pound our heads. Through tears we confessed our fears, mistakes, & doubt.  In that moment I realize one of the greatest mistakes of our trip. Our fear has been masked by the illusion of faith. All along we have fooled ourselves and others by believing that our spontaneous travel is simply letting God lead each step of the journey. Yet the root of it all is that if things start to go wrong and we run out of money we can bail and go home without having plane tickets bought in countries we are not yet at. And so now we are at the point where we ask if we should just go home? Things are not going well for us, we are quickly running out of money, and yet deep within ourselves we know we must keep going. We now have our flights and visas for Mozambique, which is no simple task, and we know that God wants us there in September. However, in the moment giving up and going home sounds so sweet.

The next morning we go directly to the train station to again try our luck in getting a ticket out of France. With clenched teeth we purchase tickets to Milan. The rest of the day is dedicated to being tourists. We wondered our way through the city, strolling the courts of cathedrals and museums. “Spencer?” I hear someone call across the courtyard of the Louvre. I turn and see our good friend Britta from Knoxville. The rest of the day is brightened with friendship.  She treats us to a sidewalk café dinner and we part at the Eiffel tower as the sun sets through the layer of smog.

7/29 – Milan, Italy – Paris decided not to lighten up even on our way out. We woke up early to a frantic morning of almost going to the wrong train station, leaving our tickets in the hotel, and had we made just one later metro connection we’d have missed our train out. Once on board the busy city faded, with relief, to an unmatched beauty of green mountain cliffs dropping their way to winding rivers. And as we skirted along the Swiss Alps across the wide lakes a few monstrous snowy peaks showed themselves from behind just long enough to invite me in, but I reluctantly gave them a rain check. Our layover in Geneva was long enough to find free internet and the address for a cheap hotel in Milan. This will be our place of rest for a few days to get things sorted. On arrival we took the metro as far as it goes to hop on a bus, then walk for almost an hour. Only with the help of the amazingly friendly locals we find the address but there was no hotel. Some people finally come out of the house we were wondering around to look at the address we had. Through broken English the woman points to the address and asks “Milano?” 

“Yes”

“This Brugherio”

Oh no! the directions we got had led up to the same address in a different town. So after two more hours of carrying our ridiculous packs we find the only hotel in the town for the night. The next day we found our way easily to the real hotel in Milan and rested. In our 3 days there we hardly left the hotel. We had a lot to figure out and so we really buckled down, got the rest of our time in Europe sorted and relaxed. During that time I had a short conversation with my good friend Iain where I was enlightened to something so simple but necessary to a healthy relationship. I get caught up needing to minister and pour out to others to feel alive and there is truth in that, but just like our relationship with God is a self sustaining atmosphere of life and love, we can have the same in marriage. My focus is to be ministering to Melody and giving her all of my love, above anyone else. And when she does the same, and together we give all to God and receive everything He is giving to us, our marriages become their own houses where we can live in continuous cycle of love, acceptance, comfort, and joy. In that place I shouldn’t need anything else.

8/1 – Ancona, Italy – Our bus tickets only said North Ancona so we assumed it would drop us off at a central bus stop. Instead the bus pulled over 50ft passed the toll booth on 15K outside the city. It was late, dark and we didn’t know how far it was to the city. Luckily it was all farm where there wasn’t interstate so we hoped over to a field and pitched our tent.

        The next day had no choice but to walk along the interstate and where the shoulder ended we jumped over to into a neighborhood and meandered through till we found a bus stop. The bus drove for 10 min into Ancona. Climbing a long hill we came to what we thought was a place we could camp and found it to be a community park. Seeing we had no other option we scouted out a secluded plot and stashed our bags. We found the hot spots in the city then returned before it got dark and hid out till the park closed then made camp.

        We were disturbed through the night at the thought of getting caught. We had become like orphans not knowing what we were doing and forgetting our purpose and identity. God is a King and His children don’t behave that way. He had not come through in the way we thought He would only because our thoughts were only those of ones who believe their father doesn’t care and are set out to survive. So we repented and in the morning we searched for hotels. Not a single hotel was available except for a four star on the waterfront. Knowing staying here would deplete our funds we booked it feeling God wanted us to. This is a side of God I’m still trying to grasp; God does always provide but that doesn’t mean it will be in the cheap or free zone. He loves His children and if He wants to give them a four star hotel He will. The next few days we could relax and finally enjoy ourselves. We were filled every morning with an amazing buffet and made sure to discover the delicious pastas and pizzas Italy was known for. We were overwhelmed to have a blessing of such great food since we looked forward to it for so long. And we found our joy is much determined by food J. So after exploring ancient buildings and finding a beach at the bottom of 200ft cliffs we continued on.

8/6 – leaving Europe – After Ancona we spent the night on a ferry to Greece and took a bus to Athens where it luckily dropped us off in the center right next to the Temple of Olympian so we could see the age old artifacts of Zeus’ temple before we headed to the airport. Our night in the airport was not the best, but it was only one more night on an airplane then we would be in Cape Town, South Africa and with family.

Where's My Worth

Each human in one way or another measures his or her life in a way suitable to their own value system. For some it is success in money or career, volunteer work, or ministries. For others it is relationships, or their personal knowledge or spirituality. But no matter what it is, it is a part of all of us. The problem is, what happens when that one thing that you put your personal value in is no longer a part of your life? Recently I have noticed just what extent this underlying measuring system of mine truly influences me.

                Spencer and I spent a week with our dear friend Rollo in London meeting his friends and family, worshiping in the living room and reminiscing Mozambique. We then moved to the other side of the city to join our friends Dan and Lisa for the week. Dan and Lisa are a part of a large church and they dedicate almost every day of their week to church events, small groups, services, and tons of just hanging out and Spence and I loved joining in on the craziness.  Lisa, my very good friend and housemate from Mozambique is what I proclaimed to Spencer as my “Will Reagan.” You know how you have those friends that just turn you into a goofy fool? Well that is exactly what I’m talking about. Dan and Spencer were also great friends in Mozambique. So for the four of us to now be together and married, was something so unique and special. 

We then went up north a bit to Peterborough, England where the famous Mandy Shutt greeted us with excited, sweep you off your feet, open arms. Mandy’s friends are just as inviting as she is and we were invited to have the kid treatment for the day at an all included fun fair with free food, drink and endless carnival rides. We fully enjoyed our days of laughter and craziness and our nights of “Bondi Rescue” with Mandy and company. However we did come into Mandy’s life at a bit of an intense time so we also spent a good chunk of time praying for Mandy’s two year old nephew who is sick with Leukemia. (So hint hint once you read this you should pray for his healing too.)

After Peterborough we took a bus to Llandudno, Wales. A week with Sarah Barbutti was royal treatment for sure. A small quiet seaside town left nothing more than walking along the beach and climbing up big hills. It was a week of relaxation for Spencer and I, while Sarah still had a life of hanging out with teenagers, work, and reaching out to the women of her church.

A common thread for all of these friends and not unlike us, is that people are a large part of their focus in life. So… were does that leave two wondering travelers who cannot be daily committed to anyone but each other? For me it left me feeling like a stagnant pond instead of a flowing river. Yes we are learning to love and care for one another as best we can but it just doesn’t seem to fill my quota for success in life.

 Yet, my value system doesn’t really match up with the value system of the God who created me. God is complete and fully satisfied and created me purely for the enjoyment of a relationship with me. My value does not change based on how well I am doing at my job, or if I even have a job. My worth to him as a daughter has nothing to do with how successful my ministry is going or how spiritual I am. It is us not him who likes labels on “what we are doing with our lives.” It is us who enjoy having something spectacular to tell people when they ask. And so the lesson I’m still currently learning is to embrace being loved unconditionally. It is never God who loves us less based on what we do or don’t do, it is always our ability to receive His love that changes. So let go of how you value your life and let God cram more love into you.

Overwallop

From a small table in a quiet English countryside garden I sit drinking my tea and reminisce. Was it really only 3 days ago that I was sweating in the hot sun of Costa Rica? Spencer and I have a passion for travel but I would say we like the being somewhere different better than the actual traveling. A taxi, a bus, a ferry, another bus, another taxis, and yet another bus brought us to a plane. From San Jose, Costa Rica to London, England was long.

 In a daze it was a miracle that Spencer and I made it without a hitch to Westminster. As we came up from the underground train I felt my eyes were playing some kind of trick on me as I looked straight at Big Ben. We found our dear friend Rollo who we spent a solid 3 months with in Mozambique, Africa and toured around Parliament. Rollo works in Parliament and so we got to put our luggage in his office while he showed us around. We then boarded a train to Overwallop. We arrived an hour later at Rollo’s parents beautiful home and I was handed a Pimm’s (a local favorite lemony gin drink.) and a magazine about the Royal wedding and went upstairs to have a nice hot bath. It had been a month since I had felt hot water come out of a faucet and I fully soaked it up. ;)  Rollo’s mum made a wonderful stew and an absolutely incredible chocolate mousse. Yet after 30 hours of no sleep, and a series of traveling exasperations, a big bed with a large down comforter was the last thing on my secret list that I was desperately wanting, I fell into that desire and slept a solid 14 hours. 

Safety in Danger

Yesterday, from a creaking chair in the stuffy office of what Tito considers the Costa Rican FBI my wife and I searched our memory for as much detail as we could about two days earlier, June 6^th. Our intention for the day was to visit Tito and Donna, pick their brains about rumors we’d heard of waterfalls and zip lines, then make our way into town. From our house Montezuma is a 30 min walk and frugality always gets the best of us so instead of throwing ₵2500 colones to a cab we walk. We needed to find internet, drop in the book store to replace my recently finished book, and to get 2 weeks of groceries. I load up my pack, look up at the sky and…downpour. It’s entering the rainy season and the past two days were more rain than I’ve seen in a long time and today was no different. So Mel grabs our raincoats, I throw on the pack cover and at the next break we were off.

With the rain we decide to skip Tito and Donna’s and make it 10 min toward Montezuma when a red ATV flies by us, does a 180 and races back stopping at someone we’d passed walking the other direction. Sure it was odd, but maybe he knew the guy. A couple minutes later the same guy flies by us again and does another U-turn. “I think this guy is confused”. Stopping in front of us he steps off the quad,

“Hey man, give me all your ≠€∞±@!”

“What?”

He pulls a loaded 380 from his pocket and with one in the chamber points it at my chest.

“Give me all your Ф$%#µ&! stuff!”

Andres is slim, dark toned in his 40’s with long wavy jet black hair and a good heart corrupted by a coke addiction. Looking in his now vacant eyes my mind races. Recalling the words of some missionary friends, the Wilcox family, who were held at gun point in their house disarmed two robbers using nothing but the name of Jesus. Feeling the need to do something myself I stare at his gun remembering the teaching of a close friend. Highly trained in Ishin Ryu, Taylor Hauser showed me how to disarm a man without touching the weapon. Having only practiced using a stick in his living room I decided against it. There was an unusual peace in Melody and myself that he was not a killer and seeing we were not intimidated by the gun he put it back in his pocket. A quick blow to my face let me know he was in a hurry. Tying to stall I reach in the top of my pack and give him a small bill. Unsatisfied he grabs for the pack but I hold him off, this pack is not coming off my back. Angry, I get another blow and a threat to be thrown down the hill behind me. His presence was nervous and his hand shaky. I am not a small guy who also knows how to use his weight and strength. Seeing his uncertainty in himself there was no doubt I could take him. “What if I throw you down the hill and take off on your quad”, I thought. But what if Melody panics and doesn’t come, or I can’t work the ATV. He reaches for the pack again and I step away. Angrily, he pulls out a knife and demands money. Still stalling I reach in the pack over my head, fumbling around until my hands find my much larger knife. In my many conversations with John Bush about self defense I’ve found no way around knowing if the highest stakes were one of us dying, the worst outcome is my hand deciding another’s eternity. I dropped the knife. Amidst all this my wonderful wife is seeking help from God and starts to say “Jesus” out loud.

Andres says “yes, Jesus I like him too, that’s why I don’t want to hurt you”

Melody tries to talk to him but he continues to ignore her, which was a big relief to me. A van drives by, finally! Andres warns me not to say anything as he hides his knife. I start walking toward the van, but realize I’ve left Melody beside him and instead I just look at the driver hoping someone realizes the distress as they drive on by. Andres comes back at me and hits me again. All my stalling is pushing his patience and in a final tussle he puts the knife to my neck, reaches in the pack and taking my wallet heads for the ATV. Something nearing relief almost came over me, but I had everything in that wallet and we’re not coming home next week. Walking toward him I tell him, “you don’t need my cards man”. Imagine that, it worked! He took the money, threw back my wallet and with a threat sped off leaving my pack with our camera, ipod and computer. The rest of the walk was quiet.

The police here are near useless, and since it was 1 PM on a Tuesday they were closed anyway, so we got what we needed in town and started our walk home. It was raining and we didn’t feel like walking back but the ATM was down so we had no cash for a taxi. The way home was equally as quiet.

Not even going inside I tossed down my pack and went down to the beach. It was one of those times where I needed to be surrounded by God, so I sat on the beach with my wife and let the waves rush over me. Melody sat wondering why we didn’t see God show up as she sought Him. I was heavy burdened. My heart cried out “where is the redemption in this?!” I could not be angry at Him but I know my God works all things for good and I saw no redemption in this. As I drug my heavy hand through the sand each wave erased every stroke I made. He told me how, if I let Him have it, wash over and cover me with His presence, He makes all things like they never happened.

Later that night I was forced to deal with my biggest fear. As we prayed together my mind wondered over the day replaying different scenarios that could’ve happened. I crossed the thought if something went wrong causing me to lose Melody, and I broke down. Tears streaming down my face I knew as I held her I could not protect her. This woman who is more important to me than anyone I’ve ever known, who I’ve based my life around, who God ripped open my heart for when it was so hard, I could not bare it! I wept as I gave my wife over to God, asking Him to take her with the assurance He’d protect her. “I’ve got her”, He promised. She was His first. We asked God to take us into darkness if it would help and no matter where we go I have the assurance He has us, He’s with us. And even when I don’t see it He is always faithful, redemption is always coming, I cry for it.

A New Life

As I lay in a hammock on our front porch listening to howler monkeys and exotic birds, my mind struggles to remember what day it is and how long we have been here. It’s amazing that a life so drastically different than any life we have ever known before could seem so normal. Each morning I wake up next to the love of my life, we make a cup of Montana coffee, and we walk through a Costa Rican jungle for a whole two minutes before we are on the edge of a private black sand beach. After our morning yoga session, we cannot help but meditate on what a great Poppa God we have for bringing us to such a beautiful place.
Life here is simple and peaceful. It feels as if there is no one for miles and yet we walk for 30 minutes and are in Montezuma. There we submerge ourselves back into the world just long enough to buy our groceries so we can retreat once again. It is such a beautiful thing to have a month to only concern yourself with serving one other person. It is so freeing to let down all walls that were built to protect you from people before and embrace a life where two people are learning to become one.

Married at Last

By the Aspen arch my brothers stand at my side reminding me of three worlds I journeyed through to get to this point, my God in the wind at my back telling me how proud of me He is, and my bride walking down the long dirt isle easily breaking the foolish idea I lost my emotion for the day. The late spring sun broke through in just the right time to push aside the rainy clouds to bring a little color to the earth.
It was now so clear to me how the bible could say I’ve received salvation in one place and how it’s coming to me in another; how the church is married to God in one spot and how He’s coming for her in another. Before now I had already fallen in love and married her in my heart, and our relationship was like that of a married couple (minus a few aspects). To me we were married but there was still a deeper level we could go. The rings and dress are bought and everyone is waiting for the bride to enter. But there is still a long walk to get to our bridegroom, and it may not be the cleanest way there but you don’t care at this point. All you see is what’s in front of you because no matter where you go the sun breaks out just in time. And in the end who cares if the dress gets a little dirty, it’s gonna come off anyway.

Provision

Someone once described provision to me as being Pro your Vision. When Spencer and I first got engaged we began to dream of traveling to Africa and beyond after our wedding. Yet we didn’t have the money for a wedding or travel. When I though about how all this really was God’s idea I thought of it as if Bill Gates asked me to dinner. I know he would not then look to me at the end of the meal and expect me to pay. Therefore if it was God’s idea for Spencer and I to get married and it was His idea for us to go to the mission field following, and it was His idea to share our wedding with all those we love, then He will pay the bill. It is such an honoring thought to think that the God who created the universe and beyond cares about my vision enough to completely provide for it.
The interesting thing about this all is that God is the creator and if He does everything the way I think He is going to then it is not very creative. So, He doesn’t. Instead He moves in ways to teach us more about His nature and His incredible love. God loves me. He takes the role of my Dad and cares about what I care about and will do anything in His power to support my dreams. And to show me what a good Dad He really is, He has been using our earthly parents to make our dreams come true. Spencer and I have absolutely amazing parents who love their kids in such a tangible way that everyone can see how deep their love runs. They have joined this celebration by giving Spencer and I a wedding far more than we could have dreamed up.
Now there are a million and a half stories that I could tell about this whole provision thing but I’m just going to tell just one…. The wedding dress.

My mom in law and sister in law took me out back in January to go hunting for something to wear on the day that I am forever joined to the love of my life. As we went into the first bridal boutique a mixture of emotion was stirring in my stomach. At this point I have been in a relationship with Spencer for just barely 3 months, I am hanging out with his mom and sister for the first time, I have no idea how Spencer and I are going to pay for a wedding, let alone a dress, and I just moved over 2,000 miles away from home, friends and family.
So Patty, my mom in law and Abby, my sister in law and I begin by looking through hundreds of dresses. Praise God we all have very similar taste and Patty ended up showing me a dress that I might have drooled over a little. I tried on a series of dresses making sure I saved this particular dress for last. Well once I tried it one it was unanimous. This was the perfect dress. While in the dressing room I glanced at the price tag and knew that there was no way in heaven or hell I was gonna be able to get that dress. So I told myself that there would be something else and this was only the first boutique. Patty, Abby and I enjoyed lunch together and then headed to our next appointment and once that dress was in all of our heads there was nothing that I even wanted to try on.
The 3 of us girls laughed and had a wonderful day together and I went home loving my new family and at the same time feeling totally hopeless about finding a dress that I could afford. So I began to look online to find “my dress” at a cheaper price. And I found it! I found the exact same dress, same picture, same designer, same design for a crazy cheap price. I thought “this is provision! God is giving me the dress I love!”
So I took a risk and ordered my dress online. It arrived almost 3 months later and Patty called me up to tell me the good news. Spencer and I went over to the Ratliff house a few days later and I opened this crazy small packed dress alone in Patty’s room to discover I had been cheated and lied to. The bad dreams I had been having for the last 3 months all came true as I sat staring at an ugly knock off that looked nothing like the dress I believed I ordered. I wiped away my tears as best I could and came into the kitchen to try and calmly tell Patty the bad news. I didn’t have to say anything for her to know there was a problem and being the super mom she is she stated confidently, “I will fix this.”
My creative way for God to give me the dress I really loved was to find the same dress for cheaper online. Well that was not God. ‘Cause He only gives good gifts so now what? I kept hearing the lie in my head of “I can’t have such an expensive dress, that is selfish, and too much to spend on me.” Well Patty refused to let me believe those lies and got me the dress of my dreams from the boutique and it arrived only 3 weeks after being ordered.
Spencer and I began to recognize we believed the lies that we cannot have nice things. We don’t deserve or measure up to having good things. Well God was not very happy with His kids believing that they are poor beggars when in fact they are royalty. So He keeps giving us nice things and we keep learning how to receive them.