Com'on in boys the Water's fine

Give me bush bush any day. We left on Thursday leading the optional outreach out of Pemba then down a dirt “road” for another hour till we came to our village in dire need of encouragement. Iris had visited this Muslim village only 3 months ago and were able to start a church. The time in-between allowed for some angry locals to pull the new pastor and his wife out of the house and beat them severely but they were able to greet us with thankful smiles alongside the chief of the area. Our tents hardly fit into the back yard of our host who’s family continually gave us mangos, coconut, and sugarcane.

As the Jesus film was playing on the first night Heidi showed up and just began loving the people. Some were healed from various hurts and pains, we prayed for several children who suffered from night terrors, and many received Jesus for the first time. The next morning, as part of our group helped with a children’s discipleship, we took some to the river who wanted to be baptized. The water was muddy and one of the locals said something about a crocodile but we paid no mind. People started entering and Heidi asked me to help baptize.

“One question”, I asked, “I haven’t been baptized, would that be a problem?”

I technically been baptized as a child before I ever loved Jesus and He said “repent and THEN be baptized” so getting it out of order isn’t a legal baptism, otherwise what are you baptized into? I threw Melody the stuff in my pockets and waded in. Heidi smiled big and said,

“In the name your Father who loves you, in the name of Jesus your bridegroom, and in the name of Holy Spirit who fills you” she pushed me under and I came up feeling fresh and happy. I couldn’t think of a better way to be baptized. Now I can help. Many more went under, including a blind man who received enough of his sight back that he said he could walk home by himself!

As we were celebrating in the river my wedding ring slipped off my hand. Everyone stopped moving but you couldn’t see anything. I dove down groping blind at the mucky bottom, nothing. Dove down a second time, still nothing. As I came up I said in desperation “Jesus I need my ring back!” and dove a third time grabbing my ring in the first handful of mud! Dying in the river of God takes away all sin, hopelessness, and lack; and this one even took the heaviness that made its way over our marriage from the rough season of travel. New starts are always welcome! Jesus is soo good!

November

Only 3 weeks till this mission training school graduates to then go where they are called to shine the light of Jesus’s face to every nation. I knew our time here in Mozambique would fly by and yet I’m still surprised. November greeted us this year with joy and revelation. On November 3^rd Spencer and I led a team of students along with a group of Mozambiquan Bible School students out into the African bush. Two hours away from the busy Pemba is a quiet remote village almost untouched by western invasion. Doing our best to learn cultural dress, language and customs the Bible school and Mission school students arrived to bring the hope of Jesus to this small village. We spent three days sharing the gospel message, providing medical help, praying for the sick and mentally tormented, making new friends, learning from the locals, playing and feeding the children. One evening a momma came to me with her sick baby asking for me to pray for the aching stomach. We prayed, the momma breast fed some more and then she handed me the tiny naked baby gilrl. I propped her up and burped her and rubbed her tummy and realized all that was wrong with this beautiful little girl was just a little gas. I realized then that it is really true that a lot of sickness and discomfort in these remote villages is simply because of a lack of knowledge about their bodies. Mommas run out of milk for their babies ‘cause they don’t realize that they need to drink water. Babies cry from stomach aches ‘cause of not being burped. These trips to the African bush are so important for so many reasons.

Our last morning in the bush was also my 23^rd birthday and being put in a circle of village people, Bible school students and mission school internationals singing Portuguese and English “happy birthday” was awkward and awesome. After that we headed back to our home in Pemba and were greeted with running water! (Every weekend previous we have been without running water on base so it was kinda a big deal) Cards, gifts, cakes, letters and lots of love came in at every angle and made November 5^th a great birthday.

Four days later one very special and loved man woke up for his 24^th birthday to find out that the 12 girls in our house planned a big breakfast birthday party for their new “dad.”  We feasted on french toast, pancakes, coffee, juice, and toast and invited other close friends to join in the front porch party. The cards, gifts, cakes, letters and lots of love came in at every angle and made now November 9^th a great birthday.

One particular gift made both November 5^th, November 9^th and November 14^th (our 6 month wedding anniversary) extremely special. A group of probably 20 or more students pulled their money together to bless Spencer and I with a weekend at a hotel and nice dinner. We stood in awe for over a minute not really even knowing how to receive such a big gift. 

November has shown us that we are extremely loved and in realizing this it has made us even more grateful for all that we have received in the past and in the present. 

Life at Iris

     So I’ve finally gotten a chance to sit down and let the world know we actually made it. Yep We’ve been in Mozambique with Iris Ministries for the past month and a half and every day is an adventure. Melody and I are house parents for 10 other girls! All who are awesome and want more of God. If the sun doesn’t get you up at 4:30 the 6 o’clock breakfast gong, or big old truck rim, will make sure your up to get your two bread rolls. Before class starts at 8 you have time to do your laundry by hand if your lucky enough to wake up to running water, otherwise that time is spent taking buckets down to the well to fetch water. The missionaries on base join with speakers from all over to pour into those who are destined to be world changers. After a rice n bean lunch the afternoon is filled with language learning, market runs, and getting to know locals. And evenings will contain another session or family group. Friday is practical mission day where we do the jobs of missionaries ranging from village evangelism and prison ministry to roofing to weighing rice and beans. I lead the roofing team and Melody the gardening team. We also are in charge of all the keys on base, planning special events and parties, and maintenance is a full time job in itself for me. But in all the chaos we are still learning and growing with each other, finding the time for us and for God, seeking the strength to press in we have none, and more - getting deeper into His heart, as has always been our one aim.

Road Trip Insanity!!!!

        It took all day driving to the border and the officers were friendly as they checked our tiny rental and put a single stamp on our passports. Day was long gone by now and we quickly found our campsite. My eyes were fixed on the ground as we set up camp and when they glanced upward I stammered in amazement as the Milky Way sparkled with a clarity you only see in text books. The new Namibian morning revealed the canyon wall across the river from our site as we sipped our coffee. The expanse of Namibia wasn’t meant for little cars like Sparky with small gas tanks, creating a worry as towns grew 2, 3, 4 hrs apart the further we rolled north.

        Reaching Mariental earlier than expected we grabbed a wrap at the gas station/Wimpy Burger and watched the spectacle as a car burst into flames 50ft from the pump. The 10ft fireball drew a crowd a bit too close to be safe. Luckily, after half an hour or more, the fire truck arrived to save the pile of ashes…oh Africa.

        For many hours life catch up was our topic with Adam and his new fiancée Jeanine who moved out here for Peace Core. Adam had our whole week planned which started at 2 am tomorrow. So much for sleep. Making it to Sossuvlei for sunrise would’ve been amazing if it were possible, but the early morning made climbing the mountainous sand dunes fun. After that the grueling hours on terrible gravel roads made 2 nights in Swakopmund a joy. Our next camp was under Spitzkoppe’s stone mtns where Mel and I tried climbing to the top and ended up in a real sketchy spot, so we played it safe after that.

        We were stopped, passing through the checkpoint into northern Namibia. They were asking for some document for our car and we didn’t know what they were talking about. I the middle of questioning Adam realized we were in trouble. The stamp we got on our passports was leaving South Africa but we never got the stamp for arrival in Namibia or the road permit. This meant not only did we not legally exist in any country but we were not allowed to be there with a car. After confusing them thoroughly and Adam and Jeanine dropping the Peace Core card we wiggled out of it, but still had to get out of the country.

        Driving through Etosha NP was an incredible display of African wildlife, most of which we caught in our video. The last day we reached the Angola border and descended long, steep stairs (which also meant we had to go back up them, who said that would be fun?) At the bottom was an old abandoned hydro plant by a waterfall now inhabited by monkeys. Making it to Jeanine’s village, we sat by a fire under the stars instantly rekindling my desire to be in Mozambique.

        Leaving Adam and Jeanine we headed for Botswana. At the very end of Namibia we found the Bezi River Bar tucked away in a farm on the Zambezi River at the border of Namibia, Zambia, and Botswana. That’s a good place for dinner. At the Botswana border keeping a cool composure was difficult. The officer looked back and forth through our pages of stamps with a puzzled look on her face then said “You entered Namibia illegally…and you leave legally” then shrugged her shoulders and stamped our passports, and after ACCIDENTALLY bribing another officer for not having a car permit we got out home free. We only took 3 days to get through Botswana and driving through more game reserves made it exciting.

        In Pretoria now. We had a week of incredible blessing and rest. Our good friend Esther and her family has been taking care of us. We’ve been blessed with so much food and even a guitar! Melody reminded me I prayed for one back in Costa Rica. God has done so much for us through other people. The future doesn’t look any more clear, but after fighting in our hearts to keep going we will finally leave for Mozambique tomorrow morning. And I am believing for impossible things.

Refreshment, Provision, & Hospitality

South Africa

A sweet friendship refreshes the soul. (Prov. 27:9)

It had been four days of travel. With one night on a ferry, one night on an airport floor, and one night in an airplane seat, we were ready to have a few nights in a bed. As we passed through South African customs early Tuesday morning Nathan and Brittany jumped out behind a corner. Nathan picked me up with a big brother kinda hug and swung me around while Brittany squealed with excitement. As we drove to the place we were staying Brittany could not keep from saying “just wait ‘till you see this place! You will love it!” And she was right. Spencer and I along with four other married couples were staying in a guest house right on Nordhook beach. As we walked into the dining room we were greeted by Brock and Crystalin, a cup of coffee and a simple breakfast. Jake and Daina as well as Will and Andrea completed the group that evening and laughter stretched to early am as the family reunion was too exciting for sleep.

        To be around happy, loving, giving friends who treat you as if you are their long lost brother and sister was the best medicine for two weary travelers. Staying up too late each night, led to sipping coffee for long hours in the morning. Tears were frequent. At times due to deep conversation and other times a result of breathtaking laughter. To live in community each day and worship God together each evening was the refreshment of our souls. Each couple individually gave listening ears to our pain, comforting words that brought us out of our pain, and financial gifts to pat us on the back and say “keep going, you can’t give up now.”  A week in Cape Town and then a few days in Port Elizabeth left us in tears as we embraced with goodbyes. 

He will supply all our needs according to his riches in glory.(Phil. 4:19)

        As we left Italy spending the last of our money on a place to sleep for three nights we were scared what to do next. God provides in many ways and we are still learning to not put him in a box. We have heard stories of random people walking up to God chasers on the street and handing them a wad of cash, stories of exciting miracles and amazing testimonies. Yet God works in whatever way he sees best for you. For us it was during a conversation with my amazing in-laws. They found out of our financial predicament and supplied our needs. Our amazing miraculous testimony on provision is the God given family we are blessed with.

        We had a month before our plane flies to Mozambique. Researching our options we decided to rent a car. After being completely taken care of by a wonderful couple in Port Elizabeth we pulled our tiny ice teal Chevrolet out of the driveway and the next time we stopped the car, was terrifying… 216 meters, 709 feet of free fall. Spencer and I decided to jump off the world’s highest bungi jump. As we walked to the middle of South Africa’s longest bridge each step made my legs shake a little more. Each heart beat walked my heart upwards toward my throat. As the energetic workers listed the order of jumpers I was relived to be last. I watched my brave husband face a fear of heights and fall gracefully off the side of the bridge with a loud deep yell. I stood in the same spot not long after he came back to solid ground and as I my body pushed into only air,  my arms did not want to glide like a bird, instead they curled up around my chest and my knees inched close as well. I became a ball thrown off a tall bridge. The fear didn’t subside after the gentle bounce and stretch of the bungi. The fear penetrated ever square inch of my body ‘till I reached the bridge once again. We received our certificates proudly and got back in the car. 

I was homeless and you gave me a room. (Matt 25:35)

Some amazing people we met in Port Elizabeth lined us up with a place to stay in Knysna about half way between Port Elizabeth and Cape Town. We had heard it was a pretty cute town but we could not have even begun to understand just how blessed we would be. We met a man named Paul about our same age and he took us home to his family that had a hot dinner waiting. After dinner Paul whisked us to a church meeting. At the end of the meeting the speaker pointed us out and encouraged us to continue on our path. We had never met this man before but he spoke exactly our hearts as if we had known him for years.

The next morning Paul made the best latte` I have had our entire trip and took us to a mountain that overlooked a manicured golf course and the town.  We were again blessed with a complimentary breakfast thanks to our host and he then took us to other beautiful view points of the town and ocean. Knysna will remain in my mind one of the most beautiful places on the planet. We said our goodbyes and continued the road to Cape Town.

Jan and Allen Kilpatrick had a room ready for us as we pulled into their driveway. A week with the Kilpatrick family was like a cold glass of water on a hot day. With two girls and two boys we enjoyed being a part of a family again. It was a relaxing balance of getting stuff done, being a Cape Town tourist, and catching up on rest. The week flew by and goodbyes were once again hard to say. Only “see you again soon” could come from our lips. The journey turned a new page and it was just Spencer and I once again on the road. And so starts our Africa road trip. 

Catch Up

It’s been a while since our last blog entry, at least it seems that way to us. So much has happened in the last weeks, so much learned that we’ve hardly had time to rest and convey all that’s happened without sounding in despair. I usually refrain from prefacing what I say but I do want our intentions to be clear. This post will be long but broken up into shorter sections for people like me who cant sit and read a blog for more than 5 min. Some stories and lessons told here will sound rough. These are not a cry for help or money, we have only given our word to be honest and open with anyone who cares to peer into our life.

7/19/11 The Mourne Mountains – We got to Northern Ireland with Anna and her wonderful family who took us in and the next day headed to the Mourne Mtns. It was like a dream come true for me. The park had almost no trees and so with the help of her father’s topo map we went a couple miles up the trail and then made our own way. First up a waterfall called the Black Stairs toward Slieve Donnard, the tallest of the Mourn Mts, and rounded the left side of it chasing a small heard of sheep. We plunged into a thick cloud and soon became damp as if rained on. Visibility shortened to maybe 100ft made traversing the mt difficult and scrambling across the patches of loose boulders uneasy work. Intersecting the Mourne wall at the Bog of Donnard we made our way down. After first attempting to cross the bog we decided it was not possible and used the wall as our path. The Mourne wall, who know how old, was made of large stones about 2 – 3 ft wide, not all of which were firmly planted, and at pints reaching close to 20 ft above ground. We were forced to stare at our next step keeping a close eye on loose stones and at that height the wall path moved by you at a faster pace than the ground below on either side creating the illusion that the ground all around you was moving like the ocean. The disorientation made the possibility of falling greater, which was frightening not for fear of the impact but more for fear of being sucked into the bog. We eventually came to a place we could cross and found our way out of the cloud. The map showed a “Hares Castle” where we intended to stay the night, but as much as we searched found no castle. We later learned a “castle” sometimes refers to a cliff-type geological formation, of course. So finding a flat spot in a small gorge we camped on the unavoidable soggy ground. By this point drying and warming were greatly desired so a fire was easily started from dead grasses and brush pulled from the mossy ground, but the high wind cause the fire to become erratic and burnt a couple small holes in our tent. So we went without. The next day we found another part of the wall and followed alongside it seeing as the walls had the most trail-like path being somewhat dry. Summiting the top of Slieve Binneard to a spectacular view excited and strengthened our souls. Not using our best decision making skills, we made our own way straight down to the lake. The mountain side was surely made for only goats hooves and like everywhere the ground oozed with water at every step, falling was often. At the bottom we were pleased to find a paved path we intended to take to the end of the second lake where the map showed a “shelter stone”. But seeing the second lake started atop an intimidating damn and doubting Shelter Stone was any sort of shelter we just camped on the beach. Deciding to make the third day our last in soggy feet we just hiked out and hitched a ride close to town where Anna picked us up and took us home to some hearty Irish potatoes, showers and a bed.

7/23 Breaking Point – Busses go from Belfast to Dublin every hour so when our day caused us to miss the 5 o’clock we weren’t too worried. But the 6 o’clock ran a little behind, and taking a hurried taxi to the ferry port we found they stopped boarding long before departure and were told to come back tomorrow morning. This meant paying for another taxi back to the hostel where we stayed a few nights ago. We got there to find it totally full and had to carry our burdensome bags to the other side of Dublin. I resisted speaking as one by one all the wheels on our remaining suitcase broke off. We paid for a couple beds and were informed no busses ran early enough so we called for another taxi in the morning, dragged our stuff up 2 flights of stairs and collapsed. Total exhaustion had finally set in: physically after 3 days in mountains, moving 80 lbs on and off busses and cars, up and down stairs, and across a city I was done; emotionally the stress of constant moving, deteriorating finances, and flight bookings going wrong put communication between Mel and I in a rough spot; and spiritually God’s voice was scarcely heard, His peace hard to come by, and favor not seen as one by one our contacts in places we were headed in a couple days fell through. Sitting on the floor against our bunk bed my wonderful wife pushed me to spend some time with God (knowing I should but not wanting to) so I prayed this from my journal –

What can I trust, God, when everything is like water to me, nothing firm nothing secure. Do I trust in what I see? Cause where you’re sending me is your two sided coin of life and death. I know you say you always lead to life, but sometimes its disguised in death so you can see if we’re willing to give it up to get it. So my eyes have become tricksters in truest form. I should trust in what I hear, but what do I have when your voice is absent from my ear? I surely can’t trust my feelings cause they got me here in the first place. But what do I do when what is meant to express who I am is now determining who I am. How I’d want to be rid of them! Can I trust my favor when I don’t perceive its path in front of me nor the trail it leaves behind? What about your promises, the prophetic voices from my past? If forgetfulness didn’t plague me so, then I might have something more to hold on to but even what gets past that demon comes beaten by the confusion of interpretation. Oh, but I can definitely trust in where your sending me right? But what if I can’t feel your leading to that place? Again back to my feeling! I know you are good to me and that you’re more real than the ground I’m standing on, but only if what I knew was as real as my feelings were tangible, then feelings would be put back in its place uniting with what is real, confirming and showing the reality within me. But I’ve stared so close at this pebble now it looks like a mountain! So I can only trust you, my Daddy, to take me back so I can see the size of the matter. And the fact of the matter is that I am Your son. So the reality is that sons aren’t to be concerned with pebbles anyway.

7/26 6pm, London, England- We have to leave tomorrow. A whisper tells us to go to Paris and so the decision is made to get on a night bus to Paris tomorrow in hopes to connect with a cousin I have never met.

7/28 Paris, France- Spencer and I sit at a McDonalds table splurging on a burger and fries. It is so good to eat something besides a pb & j, besides this is the one spot in Paris that offers free wifi. We finish our meal and begin to search for a way out of Paris. After over an hour of no luck a man comes and yells at us in French to leave. That goes down in the greatest feats in my life, getting kicked out of a McDonalds. We pack up and leave without finding a way to leave Paris. Defeat.

Back at our overpriced cheap hotel we sit squished on the floor of a 3’ x 3’ shower and let the hot water pound our heads. Through tears we confessed our fears, mistakes, & doubt.  In that moment I realize one of the greatest mistakes of our trip. Our fear has been masked by the illusion of faith. All along we have fooled ourselves and others by believing that our spontaneous travel is simply letting God lead each step of the journey. Yet the root of it all is that if things start to go wrong and we run out of money we can bail and go home without having plane tickets bought in countries we are not yet at. And so now we are at the point where we ask if we should just go home? Things are not going well for us, we are quickly running out of money, and yet deep within ourselves we know we must keep going. We now have our flights and visas for Mozambique, which is no simple task, and we know that God wants us there in September. However, in the moment giving up and going home sounds so sweet.

The next morning we go directly to the train station to again try our luck in getting a ticket out of France. With clenched teeth we purchase tickets to Milan. The rest of the day is dedicated to being tourists. We wondered our way through the city, strolling the courts of cathedrals and museums. “Spencer?” I hear someone call across the courtyard of the Louvre. I turn and see our good friend Britta from Knoxville. The rest of the day is brightened with friendship.  She treats us to a sidewalk café dinner and we part at the Eiffel tower as the sun sets through the layer of smog.

7/29 – Milan, Italy – Paris decided not to lighten up even on our way out. We woke up early to a frantic morning of almost going to the wrong train station, leaving our tickets in the hotel, and had we made just one later metro connection we’d have missed our train out. Once on board the busy city faded, with relief, to an unmatched beauty of green mountain cliffs dropping their way to winding rivers. And as we skirted along the Swiss Alps across the wide lakes a few monstrous snowy peaks showed themselves from behind just long enough to invite me in, but I reluctantly gave them a rain check. Our layover in Geneva was long enough to find free internet and the address for a cheap hotel in Milan. This will be our place of rest for a few days to get things sorted. On arrival we took the metro as far as it goes to hop on a bus, then walk for almost an hour. Only with the help of the amazingly friendly locals we find the address but there was no hotel. Some people finally come out of the house we were wondering around to look at the address we had. Through broken English the woman points to the address and asks “Milano?” 

“Yes”

“This Brugherio”

Oh no! the directions we got had led up to the same address in a different town. So after two more hours of carrying our ridiculous packs we find the only hotel in the town for the night. The next day we found our way easily to the real hotel in Milan and rested. In our 3 days there we hardly left the hotel. We had a lot to figure out and so we really buckled down, got the rest of our time in Europe sorted and relaxed. During that time I had a short conversation with my good friend Iain where I was enlightened to something so simple but necessary to a healthy relationship. I get caught up needing to minister and pour out to others to feel alive and there is truth in that, but just like our relationship with God is a self sustaining atmosphere of life and love, we can have the same in marriage. My focus is to be ministering to Melody and giving her all of my love, above anyone else. And when she does the same, and together we give all to God and receive everything He is giving to us, our marriages become their own houses where we can live in continuous cycle of love, acceptance, comfort, and joy. In that place I shouldn’t need anything else.

8/1 – Ancona, Italy – Our bus tickets only said North Ancona so we assumed it would drop us off at a central bus stop. Instead the bus pulled over 50ft passed the toll booth on 15K outside the city. It was late, dark and we didn’t know how far it was to the city. Luckily it was all farm where there wasn’t interstate so we hoped over to a field and pitched our tent.

        The next day had no choice but to walk along the interstate and where the shoulder ended we jumped over to into a neighborhood and meandered through till we found a bus stop. The bus drove for 10 min into Ancona. Climbing a long hill we came to what we thought was a place we could camp and found it to be a community park. Seeing we had no other option we scouted out a secluded plot and stashed our bags. We found the hot spots in the city then returned before it got dark and hid out till the park closed then made camp.

        We were disturbed through the night at the thought of getting caught. We had become like orphans not knowing what we were doing and forgetting our purpose and identity. God is a King and His children don’t behave that way. He had not come through in the way we thought He would only because our thoughts were only those of ones who believe their father doesn’t care and are set out to survive. So we repented and in the morning we searched for hotels. Not a single hotel was available except for a four star on the waterfront. Knowing staying here would deplete our funds we booked it feeling God wanted us to. This is a side of God I’m still trying to grasp; God does always provide but that doesn’t mean it will be in the cheap or free zone. He loves His children and if He wants to give them a four star hotel He will. The next few days we could relax and finally enjoy ourselves. We were filled every morning with an amazing buffet and made sure to discover the delicious pastas and pizzas Italy was known for. We were overwhelmed to have a blessing of such great food since we looked forward to it for so long. And we found our joy is much determined by food J. So after exploring ancient buildings and finding a beach at the bottom of 200ft cliffs we continued on.

8/6 – leaving Europe – After Ancona we spent the night on a ferry to Greece and took a bus to Athens where it luckily dropped us off in the center right next to the Temple of Olympian so we could see the age old artifacts of Zeus’ temple before we headed to the airport. Our night in the airport was not the best, but it was only one more night on an airplane then we would be in Cape Town, South Africa and with family.

Where's My Worth

Each human in one way or another measures his or her life in a way suitable to their own value system. For some it is success in money or career, volunteer work, or ministries. For others it is relationships, or their personal knowledge or spirituality. But no matter what it is, it is a part of all of us. The problem is, what happens when that one thing that you put your personal value in is no longer a part of your life? Recently I have noticed just what extent this underlying measuring system of mine truly influences me.

                Spencer and I spent a week with our dear friend Rollo in London meeting his friends and family, worshiping in the living room and reminiscing Mozambique. We then moved to the other side of the city to join our friends Dan and Lisa for the week. Dan and Lisa are a part of a large church and they dedicate almost every day of their week to church events, small groups, services, and tons of just hanging out and Spence and I loved joining in on the craziness.  Lisa, my very good friend and housemate from Mozambique is what I proclaimed to Spencer as my “Will Reagan.” You know how you have those friends that just turn you into a goofy fool? Well that is exactly what I’m talking about. Dan and Spencer were also great friends in Mozambique. So for the four of us to now be together and married, was something so unique and special. 

We then went up north a bit to Peterborough, England where the famous Mandy Shutt greeted us with excited, sweep you off your feet, open arms. Mandy’s friends are just as inviting as she is and we were invited to have the kid treatment for the day at an all included fun fair with free food, drink and endless carnival rides. We fully enjoyed our days of laughter and craziness and our nights of “Bondi Rescue” with Mandy and company. However we did come into Mandy’s life at a bit of an intense time so we also spent a good chunk of time praying for Mandy’s two year old nephew who is sick with Leukemia. (So hint hint once you read this you should pray for his healing too.)

After Peterborough we took a bus to Llandudno, Wales. A week with Sarah Barbutti was royal treatment for sure. A small quiet seaside town left nothing more than walking along the beach and climbing up big hills. It was a week of relaxation for Spencer and I, while Sarah still had a life of hanging out with teenagers, work, and reaching out to the women of her church.

A common thread for all of these friends and not unlike us, is that people are a large part of their focus in life. So… were does that leave two wondering travelers who cannot be daily committed to anyone but each other? For me it left me feeling like a stagnant pond instead of a flowing river. Yes we are learning to love and care for one another as best we can but it just doesn’t seem to fill my quota for success in life.

 Yet, my value system doesn’t really match up with the value system of the God who created me. God is complete and fully satisfied and created me purely for the enjoyment of a relationship with me. My value does not change based on how well I am doing at my job, or if I even have a job. My worth to him as a daughter has nothing to do with how successful my ministry is going or how spiritual I am. It is us not him who likes labels on “what we are doing with our lives.” It is us who enjoy having something spectacular to tell people when they ask. And so the lesson I’m still currently learning is to embrace being loved unconditionally. It is never God who loves us less based on what we do or don’t do, it is always our ability to receive His love that changes. So let go of how you value your life and let God cram more love into you.

Overwallop

From a small table in a quiet English countryside garden I sit drinking my tea and reminisce. Was it really only 3 days ago that I was sweating in the hot sun of Costa Rica? Spencer and I have a passion for travel but I would say we like the being somewhere different better than the actual traveling. A taxi, a bus, a ferry, another bus, another taxis, and yet another bus brought us to a plane. From San Jose, Costa Rica to London, England was long.

 In a daze it was a miracle that Spencer and I made it without a hitch to Westminster. As we came up from the underground train I felt my eyes were playing some kind of trick on me as I looked straight at Big Ben. We found our dear friend Rollo who we spent a solid 3 months with in Mozambique, Africa and toured around Parliament. Rollo works in Parliament and so we got to put our luggage in his office while he showed us around. We then boarded a train to Overwallop. We arrived an hour later at Rollo’s parents beautiful home and I was handed a Pimm’s (a local favorite lemony gin drink.) and a magazine about the Royal wedding and went upstairs to have a nice hot bath. It had been a month since I had felt hot water come out of a faucet and I fully soaked it up. ;)  Rollo’s mum made a wonderful stew and an absolutely incredible chocolate mousse. Yet after 30 hours of no sleep, and a series of traveling exasperations, a big bed with a large down comforter was the last thing on my secret list that I was desperately wanting, I fell into that desire and slept a solid 14 hours. 

Safety in Danger

Yesterday, from a creaking chair in the stuffy office of what Tito considers the Costa Rican FBI my wife and I searched our memory for as much detail as we could about two days earlier, June 6^th. Our intention for the day was to visit Tito and Donna, pick their brains about rumors we’d heard of waterfalls and zip lines, then make our way into town. From our house Montezuma is a 30 min walk and frugality always gets the best of us so instead of throwing ₵2500 colones to a cab we walk. We needed to find internet, drop in the book store to replace my recently finished book, and to get 2 weeks of groceries. I load up my pack, look up at the sky and…downpour. It’s entering the rainy season and the past two days were more rain than I’ve seen in a long time and today was no different. So Mel grabs our raincoats, I throw on the pack cover and at the next break we were off.

With the rain we decide to skip Tito and Donna’s and make it 10 min toward Montezuma when a red ATV flies by us, does a 180 and races back stopping at someone we’d passed walking the other direction. Sure it was odd, but maybe he knew the guy. A couple minutes later the same guy flies by us again and does another U-turn. “I think this guy is confused”. Stopping in front of us he steps off the quad,

“Hey man, give me all your ≠€∞±@!”

“What?”

He pulls a loaded 380 from his pocket and with one in the chamber points it at my chest.

“Give me all your Ф$%#µ&! stuff!”

Andres is slim, dark toned in his 40’s with long wavy jet black hair and a good heart corrupted by a coke addiction. Looking in his now vacant eyes my mind races. Recalling the words of some missionary friends, the Wilcox family, who were held at gun point in their house disarmed two robbers using nothing but the name of Jesus. Feeling the need to do something myself I stare at his gun remembering the teaching of a close friend. Highly trained in Ishin Ryu, Taylor Hauser showed me how to disarm a man without touching the weapon. Having only practiced using a stick in his living room I decided against it. There was an unusual peace in Melody and myself that he was not a killer and seeing we were not intimidated by the gun he put it back in his pocket. A quick blow to my face let me know he was in a hurry. Tying to stall I reach in the top of my pack and give him a small bill. Unsatisfied he grabs for the pack but I hold him off, this pack is not coming off my back. Angry, I get another blow and a threat to be thrown down the hill behind me. His presence was nervous and his hand shaky. I am not a small guy who also knows how to use his weight and strength. Seeing his uncertainty in himself there was no doubt I could take him. “What if I throw you down the hill and take off on your quad”, I thought. But what if Melody panics and doesn’t come, or I can’t work the ATV. He reaches for the pack again and I step away. Angrily, he pulls out a knife and demands money. Still stalling I reach in the pack over my head, fumbling around until my hands find my much larger knife. In my many conversations with John Bush about self defense I’ve found no way around knowing if the highest stakes were one of us dying, the worst outcome is my hand deciding another’s eternity. I dropped the knife. Amidst all this my wonderful wife is seeking help from God and starts to say “Jesus” out loud.

Andres says “yes, Jesus I like him too, that’s why I don’t want to hurt you”

Melody tries to talk to him but he continues to ignore her, which was a big relief to me. A van drives by, finally! Andres warns me not to say anything as he hides his knife. I start walking toward the van, but realize I’ve left Melody beside him and instead I just look at the driver hoping someone realizes the distress as they drive on by. Andres comes back at me and hits me again. All my stalling is pushing his patience and in a final tussle he puts the knife to my neck, reaches in the pack and taking my wallet heads for the ATV. Something nearing relief almost came over me, but I had everything in that wallet and we’re not coming home next week. Walking toward him I tell him, “you don’t need my cards man”. Imagine that, it worked! He took the money, threw back my wallet and with a threat sped off leaving my pack with our camera, ipod and computer. The rest of the walk was quiet.

The police here are near useless, and since it was 1 PM on a Tuesday they were closed anyway, so we got what we needed in town and started our walk home. It was raining and we didn’t feel like walking back but the ATM was down so we had no cash for a taxi. The way home was equally as quiet.

Not even going inside I tossed down my pack and went down to the beach. It was one of those times where I needed to be surrounded by God, so I sat on the beach with my wife and let the waves rush over me. Melody sat wondering why we didn’t see God show up as she sought Him. I was heavy burdened. My heart cried out “where is the redemption in this?!” I could not be angry at Him but I know my God works all things for good and I saw no redemption in this. As I drug my heavy hand through the sand each wave erased every stroke I made. He told me how, if I let Him have it, wash over and cover me with His presence, He makes all things like they never happened.

Later that night I was forced to deal with my biggest fear. As we prayed together my mind wondered over the day replaying different scenarios that could’ve happened. I crossed the thought if something went wrong causing me to lose Melody, and I broke down. Tears streaming down my face I knew as I held her I could not protect her. This woman who is more important to me than anyone I’ve ever known, who I’ve based my life around, who God ripped open my heart for when it was so hard, I could not bare it! I wept as I gave my wife over to God, asking Him to take her with the assurance He’d protect her. “I’ve got her”, He promised. She was His first. We asked God to take us into darkness if it would help and no matter where we go I have the assurance He has us, He’s with us. And even when I don’t see it He is always faithful, redemption is always coming, I cry for it.

A New Life

As I lay in a hammock on our front porch listening to howler monkeys and exotic birds, my mind struggles to remember what day it is and how long we have been here. It’s amazing that a life so drastically different than any life we have ever known before could seem so normal. Each morning I wake up next to the love of my life, we make a cup of Montana coffee, and we walk through a Costa Rican jungle for a whole two minutes before we are on the edge of a private black sand beach. After our morning yoga session, we cannot help but meditate on what a great Poppa God we have for bringing us to such a beautiful place.
Life here is simple and peaceful. It feels as if there is no one for miles and yet we walk for 30 minutes and are in Montezuma. There we submerge ourselves back into the world just long enough to buy our groceries so we can retreat once again. It is such a beautiful thing to have a month to only concern yourself with serving one other person. It is so freeing to let down all walls that were built to protect you from people before and embrace a life where two people are learning to become one.

Married at Last

By the Aspen arch my brothers stand at my side reminding me of three worlds I journeyed through to get to this point, my God in the wind at my back telling me how proud of me He is, and my bride walking down the long dirt isle easily breaking the foolish idea I lost my emotion for the day. The late spring sun broke through in just the right time to push aside the rainy clouds to bring a little color to the earth.
It was now so clear to me how the bible could say I’ve received salvation in one place and how it’s coming to me in another; how the church is married to God in one spot and how He’s coming for her in another. Before now I had already fallen in love and married her in my heart, and our relationship was like that of a married couple (minus a few aspects). To me we were married but there was still a deeper level we could go. The rings and dress are bought and everyone is waiting for the bride to enter. But there is still a long walk to get to our bridegroom, and it may not be the cleanest way there but you don’t care at this point. All you see is what’s in front of you because no matter where you go the sun breaks out just in time. And in the end who cares if the dress gets a little dirty, it’s gonna come off anyway.

Provision

Someone once described provision to me as being Pro your Vision. When Spencer and I first got engaged we began to dream of traveling to Africa and beyond after our wedding. Yet we didn’t have the money for a wedding or travel. When I though about how all this really was God’s idea I thought of it as if Bill Gates asked me to dinner. I know he would not then look to me at the end of the meal and expect me to pay. Therefore if it was God’s idea for Spencer and I to get married and it was His idea for us to go to the mission field following, and it was His idea to share our wedding with all those we love, then He will pay the bill. It is such an honoring thought to think that the God who created the universe and beyond cares about my vision enough to completely provide for it.
The interesting thing about this all is that God is the creator and if He does everything the way I think He is going to then it is not very creative. So, He doesn’t. Instead He moves in ways to teach us more about His nature and His incredible love. God loves me. He takes the role of my Dad and cares about what I care about and will do anything in His power to support my dreams. And to show me what a good Dad He really is, He has been using our earthly parents to make our dreams come true. Spencer and I have absolutely amazing parents who love their kids in such a tangible way that everyone can see how deep their love runs. They have joined this celebration by giving Spencer and I a wedding far more than we could have dreamed up.
Now there are a million and a half stories that I could tell about this whole provision thing but I’m just going to tell just one…. The wedding dress.

My mom in law and sister in law took me out back in January to go hunting for something to wear on the day that I am forever joined to the love of my life. As we went into the first bridal boutique a mixture of emotion was stirring in my stomach. At this point I have been in a relationship with Spencer for just barely 3 months, I am hanging out with his mom and sister for the first time, I have no idea how Spencer and I are going to pay for a wedding, let alone a dress, and I just moved over 2,000 miles away from home, friends and family.
So Patty, my mom in law and Abby, my sister in law and I begin by looking through hundreds of dresses. Praise God we all have very similar taste and Patty ended up showing me a dress that I might have drooled over a little. I tried on a series of dresses making sure I saved this particular dress for last. Well once I tried it one it was unanimous. This was the perfect dress. While in the dressing room I glanced at the price tag and knew that there was no way in heaven or hell I was gonna be able to get that dress. So I told myself that there would be something else and this was only the first boutique. Patty, Abby and I enjoyed lunch together and then headed to our next appointment and once that dress was in all of our heads there was nothing that I even wanted to try on.
The 3 of us girls laughed and had a wonderful day together and I went home loving my new family and at the same time feeling totally hopeless about finding a dress that I could afford. So I began to look online to find “my dress” at a cheaper price. And I found it! I found the exact same dress, same picture, same designer, same design for a crazy cheap price. I thought “this is provision! God is giving me the dress I love!”
So I took a risk and ordered my dress online. It arrived almost 3 months later and Patty called me up to tell me the good news. Spencer and I went over to the Ratliff house a few days later and I opened this crazy small packed dress alone in Patty’s room to discover I had been cheated and lied to. The bad dreams I had been having for the last 3 months all came true as I sat staring at an ugly knock off that looked nothing like the dress I believed I ordered. I wiped away my tears as best I could and came into the kitchen to try and calmly tell Patty the bad news. I didn’t have to say anything for her to know there was a problem and being the super mom she is she stated confidently, “I will fix this.”
My creative way for God to give me the dress I really loved was to find the same dress for cheaper online. Well that was not God. ‘Cause He only gives good gifts so now what? I kept hearing the lie in my head of “I can’t have such an expensive dress, that is selfish, and too much to spend on me.” Well Patty refused to let me believe those lies and got me the dress of my dreams from the boutique and it arrived only 3 weeks after being ordered.
Spencer and I began to recognize we believed the lies that we cannot have nice things. We don’t deserve or measure up to having good things. Well God was not very happy with His kids believing that they are poor beggars when in fact they are royalty. So He keeps giving us nice things and we keep learning how to receive them.

A Deamer's Vision

Well, it's now 74 days until I'm married. I've got this scared excitement on my chest as I move into something I know was meant for me. It's not a fear...more of a boyish wonder, I'd say. As a little kid exploring the forest behind my house, I'd be filled with anticipation leaving the protection of my parents, but still drawn deeper into a world I was not familiar with. And in 74 days I'm stepping out of comfort and familiarity into a total dependence on Jesus. This is a journey leaning on His promise for a life abundantly. A life abandoned to the pursuit of finding God's heart, learning how to love my fiance from a perfect love that comes from His heart, and to uncover the beauty and hope hidden in every area on this planet. A life like that brings a freedom few experience. I don't want to be naive or play the role of the ignorant, young romantic, but there has to be more than what I see in the usual life. I'd be depressed if I couldn't hope for more. And my new travel buddy gives me hope to see the world I've longed to see. You wont see any masks here, none of that sugar coated fake crap. But as best as Melody and I can articulate, we hope to show the reality of two dreamers learning to love each other more, the love God has for His kids all over, and what can happen when the world encounters a love it has not known. Part of me says this is crazy and too much, but the larger part of me has already stepped over the edge. Now a momentum has started that will only snowball, and there's no place I'd rather be.