A New Life

As I lay in a hammock on our front porch listening to howler monkeys and exotic birds, my mind struggles to remember what day it is and how long we have been here. It’s amazing that a life so drastically different than any life we have ever known before could seem so normal. Each morning I wake up next to the love of my life, we make a cup of Montana coffee, and we walk through a Costa Rican jungle for a whole two minutes before we are on the edge of a private black sand beach. After our morning yoga session, we cannot help but meditate on what a great Poppa God we have for bringing us to such a beautiful place.
Life here is simple and peaceful. It feels as if there is no one for miles and yet we walk for 30 minutes and are in Montezuma. There we submerge ourselves back into the world just long enough to buy our groceries so we can retreat once again. It is such a beautiful thing to have a month to only concern yourself with serving one other person. It is so freeing to let down all walls that were built to protect you from people before and embrace a life where two people are learning to become one.

Married at Last

By the Aspen arch my brothers stand at my side reminding me of three worlds I journeyed through to get to this point, my God in the wind at my back telling me how proud of me He is, and my bride walking down the long dirt isle easily breaking the foolish idea I lost my emotion for the day. The late spring sun broke through in just the right time to push aside the rainy clouds to bring a little color to the earth.
It was now so clear to me how the bible could say I’ve received salvation in one place and how it’s coming to me in another; how the church is married to God in one spot and how He’s coming for her in another. Before now I had already fallen in love and married her in my heart, and our relationship was like that of a married couple (minus a few aspects). To me we were married but there was still a deeper level we could go. The rings and dress are bought and everyone is waiting for the bride to enter. But there is still a long walk to get to our bridegroom, and it may not be the cleanest way there but you don’t care at this point. All you see is what’s in front of you because no matter where you go the sun breaks out just in time. And in the end who cares if the dress gets a little dirty, it’s gonna come off anyway.

Provision

Someone once described provision to me as being Pro your Vision. When Spencer and I first got engaged we began to dream of traveling to Africa and beyond after our wedding. Yet we didn’t have the money for a wedding or travel. When I though about how all this really was God’s idea I thought of it as if Bill Gates asked me to dinner. I know he would not then look to me at the end of the meal and expect me to pay. Therefore if it was God’s idea for Spencer and I to get married and it was His idea for us to go to the mission field following, and it was His idea to share our wedding with all those we love, then He will pay the bill. It is such an honoring thought to think that the God who created the universe and beyond cares about my vision enough to completely provide for it.
The interesting thing about this all is that God is the creator and if He does everything the way I think He is going to then it is not very creative. So, He doesn’t. Instead He moves in ways to teach us more about His nature and His incredible love. God loves me. He takes the role of my Dad and cares about what I care about and will do anything in His power to support my dreams. And to show me what a good Dad He really is, He has been using our earthly parents to make our dreams come true. Spencer and I have absolutely amazing parents who love their kids in such a tangible way that everyone can see how deep their love runs. They have joined this celebration by giving Spencer and I a wedding far more than we could have dreamed up.
Now there are a million and a half stories that I could tell about this whole provision thing but I’m just going to tell just one…. The wedding dress.

My mom in law and sister in law took me out back in January to go hunting for something to wear on the day that I am forever joined to the love of my life. As we went into the first bridal boutique a mixture of emotion was stirring in my stomach. At this point I have been in a relationship with Spencer for just barely 3 months, I am hanging out with his mom and sister for the first time, I have no idea how Spencer and I are going to pay for a wedding, let alone a dress, and I just moved over 2,000 miles away from home, friends and family.
So Patty, my mom in law and Abby, my sister in law and I begin by looking through hundreds of dresses. Praise God we all have very similar taste and Patty ended up showing me a dress that I might have drooled over a little. I tried on a series of dresses making sure I saved this particular dress for last. Well once I tried it one it was unanimous. This was the perfect dress. While in the dressing room I glanced at the price tag and knew that there was no way in heaven or hell I was gonna be able to get that dress. So I told myself that there would be something else and this was only the first boutique. Patty, Abby and I enjoyed lunch together and then headed to our next appointment and once that dress was in all of our heads there was nothing that I even wanted to try on.
The 3 of us girls laughed and had a wonderful day together and I went home loving my new family and at the same time feeling totally hopeless about finding a dress that I could afford. So I began to look online to find “my dress” at a cheaper price. And I found it! I found the exact same dress, same picture, same designer, same design for a crazy cheap price. I thought “this is provision! God is giving me the dress I love!”
So I took a risk and ordered my dress online. It arrived almost 3 months later and Patty called me up to tell me the good news. Spencer and I went over to the Ratliff house a few days later and I opened this crazy small packed dress alone in Patty’s room to discover I had been cheated and lied to. The bad dreams I had been having for the last 3 months all came true as I sat staring at an ugly knock off that looked nothing like the dress I believed I ordered. I wiped away my tears as best I could and came into the kitchen to try and calmly tell Patty the bad news. I didn’t have to say anything for her to know there was a problem and being the super mom she is she stated confidently, “I will fix this.”
My creative way for God to give me the dress I really loved was to find the same dress for cheaper online. Well that was not God. ‘Cause He only gives good gifts so now what? I kept hearing the lie in my head of “I can’t have such an expensive dress, that is selfish, and too much to spend on me.” Well Patty refused to let me believe those lies and got me the dress of my dreams from the boutique and it arrived only 3 weeks after being ordered.
Spencer and I began to recognize we believed the lies that we cannot have nice things. We don’t deserve or measure up to having good things. Well God was not very happy with His kids believing that they are poor beggars when in fact they are royalty. So He keeps giving us nice things and we keep learning how to receive them.

A Deamer's Vision

Well, it's now 74 days until I'm married. I've got this scared excitement on my chest as I move into something I know was meant for me. It's not a fear...more of a boyish wonder, I'd say. As a little kid exploring the forest behind my house, I'd be filled with anticipation leaving the protection of my parents, but still drawn deeper into a world I was not familiar with. And in 74 days I'm stepping out of comfort and familiarity into a total dependence on Jesus. This is a journey leaning on His promise for a life abundantly. A life abandoned to the pursuit of finding God's heart, learning how to love my fiance from a perfect love that comes from His heart, and to uncover the beauty and hope hidden in every area on this planet. A life like that brings a freedom few experience. I don't want to be naive or play the role of the ignorant, young romantic, but there has to be more than what I see in the usual life. I'd be depressed if I couldn't hope for more. And my new travel buddy gives me hope to see the world I've longed to see. You wont see any masks here, none of that sugar coated fake crap. But as best as Melody and I can articulate, we hope to show the reality of two dreamers learning to love each other more, the love God has for His kids all over, and what can happen when the world encounters a love it has not known. Part of me says this is crazy and too much, but the larger part of me has already stepped over the edge. Now a momentum has started that will only snowball, and there's no place I'd rather be.